in a funk

I knew that when I came back from Kenya, the world would appear a little different than when I left for my trip (OK a lot). But I wasn’t too concerned, I had been to third world countries a few times, so I knew what to expect when I got home. I was prepared to face, and struggle with, what I believe are, the ugly issues of our culture. I expected an adjustment period back to this culture lasting, maybe a couple of weeks, tops. I expected to look at myself and all of its crap and ask myself a lot of tough questions. But this adjustment period is still going on. And I have no answers…. I am in a funk.
My mind will wander off into a day dream of tracing the steps that I took during my stay in Kenya. I can still hear my foot steps as I walked the dirt trails into Kitale or Kolongolo. I can still hear the laughter of the children as they play a game of dodge ball with a simple Nerf ball. I laugh out loud when I think about Virginia giving me a bad time because I didn’t eat as much food as she thought I should have. I can see so plainly, the expressions of joy and gratitude on the faces of those we visited. I can also feel the overflowing love of the grandmothers and aunts as they clutch their heart because we paid them a visit.
I miss seeing the passion and commitment in Meredith’s and Sean’s and Daniel’s eyes. I miss sitting in the gazebo and wondering “how can I help”. I feel I have lost my rudder and I am just floating and drifting aimlessly. I guess I just need to accept this is a period on being “uncomfortable” or, as I have written before, “a place of tension”. Yup, there is that tension word again. But when I stop and be still and ponder, I ultimately, get the sense that this funk is just another face of transformation. The transformation to living out His designs, for His purpose, continues. I am not really digging this sense of fogginess. I wish I could just shake my head and everything would be clear again. But I know I don’t have to shake my head, I just have to stand on my tip toes and grab His hand, its there, waiting for me.

clarity of purpose

A grandmother weeding three rows of maze will receive 30 shillings a day or .38cents US. With her grandchildren’s help, they can weed five rows of maze and receive 50 schillings or .65cents US.

A boy that has lost his family may end up wondering the streets and sniffing glue, just to ward off the cold and the pains of hunger. A 14 year old girl may slip into prostitution because there is no where else to go.

A man will sell handkerchiefs or sesame seed balls all day at the station, just to eek out some type of living.

A boy will pop popcorn and sell it on the street corner, while his brother figures out a way to raise more chickens to sell.

Another grandmother will sell a few teabags and some sugar cane from a stick made street stand and then use the money to make tea and buy her visitors a Kenyan pastry and chips.

Public transportation is an intense, organized free for all; just so as many people can squeeze into an over crowded vehicle.

Because of the scarcity of food a grandmother of 6 may be forced to feed her grandchildren a porridge of Ugali…once a day.

Their stories can go on and on. But they all have one theme in common and that theme is survival. Their sole purpose in life is just to survive….some how, some way!

When have you had to do what ever it took just to survive? I know, we all work long and hard…but to do what? To buy that bigger, brighter, shinier, faster thing…what ever it is.

Here in North America what we view as surviving is just a time of being uncomfortable. So what is your purpose in life, are you really trying to survive or are you just uncomfortable? Maybe your "set" and have it made. If you have "made it" give some of your time or money away and if you already give....give more.

I know the only thing that separates me from those trying to survive, was a decision that He made a long time ago.

relationship

The following two paragraphs is how I initially started this blog. At first I titled it “Walking” But after some time I realized that there was more to this “walking” than I first saw on my arrival in Kenya.

As Sean and I were making the ride of doom from Nairobi to Kitale I was struck by how many people were walking. One must understand this is not like people walking on sidewalks or even streets. The area I’m talking about is the road that takes 8 hours to drive between Nairobi and Kitale. I mean we are out in the middle of no where, on a highway that basically follows the rim on the Rift Valley. Kenyan’s walking everywhere, on foot paths that go everywhere.

There are foot paths along hillsides and mountains, or on miles of just flat land. What I am even more struck by is the groups of people just sitting under a tree or beside bushes that are along side the foot paths. They are of any age. What are the conversations? Where are they going? Where are they coming from?

After a few days in Kenya this observation on walking took on an even deeper meaning. Kenyan’s, and I would guess most of the other 3^rd world countries, walk out of economic necessity, they flat don’t have the money for cars or the fuel to put in them. OK…I get that! There are also the obvious benefits of exercise. But who needs exercise when food can be scarce. So when I’m thinking of this walking issue I kept getting “it’s about relationships” in my brain.

I thoroughly enjoyed walking around Kitale, Kolongolo and Mali Saba. I loved being with the people. I loved watching the way Daniel, Sean and Meredith interacted with the people and the people with them. I loved seeing joy and hope in peoples eyes. And yes it hurt to see the pain also. A friend asked me what I liked the best on my trip, and I said “it was being in town with people”.

I couldn’t greet the kids if I was driving, I couldn’t say hello to the adults if I was driving, I wouldn’t be available to the glue boys or the street girls if I was driving. I couldn’t touch people and they couldn’t touch me if I was driving.

That is how relationship can begin, just being with people, being available to them.

No trust can be gained, no love can be developed, no healing of a broken person, no intimacy can take place until there is a relationship. It is what we desire the most with Christ, isn’t it, that unbelievable feeling of relationship.

So what better way to being with people and starting a relationship than to just walk among them?

from home

I am from Millbrae California which is 16 miles south of San Francisco. It was a great town to grow up in. My parents moved there during WWII, bought a house for $7500.00 (yes you read it right) and raised a family of 8 children. A great job they did. I know you are asking what that has to do with Kenya. Well…a lot.

If you remember an earlier blog, I was 17 when I had the dreams of Africa. Those dreams took place in that home in Millbrae. Now fast forward to April 27 2009 when I had a lunch meeting with a buddy of mine to talk about this trip to Kenya.

During this lunch conversation my buddy mentioned how cool it was that I was going to start my trip from home. Huh? I really didn’t know what he meant and the significance didn’t really register…that is until I was driving to San Francisco to catch my first flight.

I had made arraignments to leave my car with a friend of mine while I was gone. All through this I really didn’t remember that this friend lived three blocks from the home where I was raised.

Now I think you know where I am going with this….my lunch buddy had told me and I then realized his vision as I was driving, that I was starting this physical journey to Africa from the home where it all started 39 years ago.

Of all the arrangements that I looked at and could of made, for this trip, He made sure that I started from home. I was literally shacking with that thought. Oh yea and the big tears!!

Yes I did drive by the house and say thank you Lord.

just show up

Yea, I know, not a lot of posts since the middle of April. But I am back from my trip to Kenya and I am pretty exhausted. During my trip I planned to blog and post as much as possible. Well that was MY plan and you know how OUR plans can work out. I did take a bunch of notes and I do have some posts in Q. I will be posting those as soon as I can put some polish on them. But this I will share with you today...I think I have gone through every human emotion possible. I saw some things that totally broke my heart, I saw other things that gave me great encouragement and inspiration. I saw richness and depravity, and most importantly I saw Gods work everywhere, but isn't that true when we just show up? I am grateful that you have hung with me on this journey. I will also share this with you ...I have even more fire in my belly to help those that need it the most. I could really use some feed back or if you have any questions...please email me at runfischer@yahoo.com. Oh yeah I'm the old white dude in the middle.

excited?

During the past few weeks, quite a few friends, co-workers and family have asked me if I’m excited or nervous about my trip to Kenya. Well I guess I’m somewhat excited but I’m not nervous. Please don’t take that as being flippant or having no emotion concerning this trip. What I do have is a peaceful, calm sense about the events that are about to take place. Believe me I am so grateful that He has given me that sense of calm and peace.

Because of how I generally work, I could be so stressed about this trip that I would be a mess worrying about all the details. I have a habit of putting on a pair of blinders and being so focused on the “schedule” or the “check off list” that I may miss all that He intended for me to see. I can miss so much beauty and joy and not revel in it. I can roll right over tragedy and pain and not lend a helping hand. All missed for the sake of “my plan”.

Do I have a general idea of what I want to see? Sure I do. But it is not a plan. What I really believe is these ideas are actually beats of my heart. And the blood that flows from those beats to my brain will help me walk in faith.

After all it is His plan….not mine.

not always

Since I’m pretty much a structured kinda guy…you know, B follows A and then there is C. I have to tell you that during the past few weeks that kind of schedule of events has NOT taken place!!

Thankfully!!!

What has taken place has greatly amazed, inspired and educated me!! Oh yeah and throw in a heavy dose of love and support.

As I mentioned in an earlier posting I will be staying at Transformed International while I am in Kenya. The Director of that Ministry is Daniel Lipparelli and Daniel is from the Reno area. Daniel has been in Reno for the past few weeks and I have been fortunate to spend quit a bit of time with him. Its time I never anticipated or saw taking place. But it has and I am grateful.

Knowing Daniel would be in town, I thought there would be a couple of opportunities to get together to chat. To chat about what he was doing and what I was seeking or expecting. You know…the typical feeling out stuff I seem to need to go through…for whatever reason. The first meeting lasted 2 hours (with Daniels Dad included) and I don’t think Daniel said 4 sentences. Of course he couldn't talk because that is all I was doing. We agreed to meet again the following week and that meeting again, lasted 2 hours. Yes Daniel talked more, but not much. Once again I seemed to just talk and talk. During these conversations Daniel had picked up on the fact I wanted to explore a much deeper and more intimate relationship with Christ. Daniel went on to explain what that looked like for him, as he was on the same path born out of different circumstances. He brought up this Biblical principal of community and about being the Church vs. going to Church. Daniel asked us if we would be interested in coming to meet with other people that were like minded. He said most were young, single, college age people. I said we would be there.

Debbie and I have attended these meeting called Comm. X or Community Experiment and have been blown away by the knowledge, articulation, acceptance, and warmth of this great group of people. And then throw in the direction and power of the Spirit and you have truly an amazing experience.

But the main point I want to make is this, I expected to spend 4 or 5 hours talking to Daniel about my trip Kenya. But of the roughly 20 hours we have been together we may have talked about Kenya for 15 minutes. The rest of the time has been about learning our Gifts and what community and being the Church is all about. It is also about being in the presence of some amazing people.

Does B follow A?

When God has another plan, thankfully, not always.

For those who wish to know more about Comm. X , visit Daniel’s blog at dlipparelli.blogspot.com