Homesick???

I know, a strange heading for a blog, but after the thoughts and conversations I have had over the past few days, this is what I have in my heart. I know I am supposed to be writing SARAH part two. But some times a curve ball comes when you expect a fastball on the outside corner. Oops my love for baseball just came through. I will get to SARAH part two another day, but right now I would like to write about this “homesickness”.

A group of my friends and fellow community members are leaving shortly for a three to six month stay in Kitale, Kenya. This group is traveling to and staying with the same people and organization that I stayed with on my trip. For those in community that are not making the trip, there have been some anxiousness and some sadness as the teams’ preparations are made and the time line to departure gets smaller.

As for me, there isn’t any sadness or anxiousness, but I will miss them and their friendship a great deal. These young men and women along with Danel and Larry have impacted my life tremendously. Everyone is so bright and compassionate and loving and outright inspiring, I am so impressed with them and humbled to know them!!

Because of this team leaving I have had a few conversations with Deb about my own experiences in Kenya, well not really conversations, more me talking and Deb listening. I think I have replayed every experience and situation to her numerous times. And as I listen to myself talk and relive these experiences, I notice I get more animated and emotional, wishing I was there. I actually feel “homesick”, is that possible? I yearn to be there so much. Also during these moments I have learned that my tether to the comforts of America, things that I thought I would/could never give up, is getting thinner. I even made a list of the things (outside of family) that I would miss if I left the states. Four things came up on that list and, three of them, while once very important to me; just don’t seem that important any more. The fourth item was my home, now this is a big deal. I am such a roots oriented guy and my home is my roots. I have always needed to have a place that I could go to and if not, I was not healthy. My home means so much to me, I have spent so much time and energy on it….it is me. But even I’m seeing that I can let it go. WOW…I really said that!?

A few nights ago, I thought out loud of several scenarios that had me in Kenya and giving up the “American Dream”. Were they just thoughts that came to me in a moment of envy or is it a continuation of my “day dream” when I was 17? I do not know the answer to that question, but there is a pull and it is not going away.