Being Complete III

I'm going to go down a different rabbit trail in this entry part 3 but, it all ties together (in my mind anyway). I call this "Being Complete as a Man". Our American culture has set in place the boundaries and expectations and definitions of what is a "Man". Consequently we have pigeonholed the guy the shows all God given emotions as less of a man and the guy that cant get in touch with his emotions and cant display his sensitivity as a "manly man". It doesn't make sense to me.

I was in an airport onetime with some friends and one of them was, what people call, a manly man. Well my friend sees a long lost buddy of his and they start running up to great each other. And as they get close to each other you could tell they wanted to hug , but they couldn't, it wasn't manly. They just bumped each other in the chest, slapped one another in the arms and that was their greeting. They were so uncomfortable greeting each other it was comical...and sad.

I have heard so often that this guy or that guy is a "mans man"...huh, what is a mans man? That question intrigues me. So I have asked a lot of men, what is a mans man? And as expected, their answers are all over the place or they don't have an answer at all. So how can one say that person is a mans man when you don't know what it means. I think the answer lies in the culture we are in, where perception is everything. However when we stripe away the perception and facade and get down to reality, this "mans man" is just a very one dimensional guy. He is just a guy that has drank the kool aid. He has been taught and believes that he must show no emotion, must stay disconnected from any display of being sensitive. And the displaying of affection is reserved for the, amongst others, "big truck", guns, card games, hunting trips, food and beer and Sunday football mania. Now NOTHING is wrong with any of that, individually, but is that all there is to men? Unfortunately I think that is all there is. Of course I don't think all men are one dimensional but, I think its is the majority of men.

What about being the complete guy. The guy that can do it all. How about in-addition to all the above, men actually change the diapers of their children, men actually getting up and do the early AM bottle feedings for their infant while their wife sleeps. How about doing homework with the kids or cleaning up the puke when their children are sick. I know "manly men" can mow a lawn and change the oil in their car but, how about doing the laundry or cleaning the house to give your wife a break. How about having a conversation of depth and substance where it is actually a....conversation. How about showing emotions other than anger and frustration.

Far to often I see guys just pointing and grunting when they are out in public with their family, all the while the kids are cowering for fear of the head slap for any misstep they may make. Or the kids are out of control and its all the mothers fault. It kills me to see men use fear and intimidation as "teaching my child". This is not teaching, its just being a bully. But the father knows no other way because that is how he was taught...so the cycle continues.

Now I know in scripture there is clear defining of the roles of men and women should have in their marriage. I also know that men are to provide and fight for the family's honor. Along with that, shouldn't being there for the family in roles of support and loving guidance be a mans role also?

I was struck a few weeks ago when I read in Proverbs 3 13-18

(13) Blessed is the man who finds wisdom,
the man who gains understanding,
(14) for SHE is more profitable than silver
and yields better returns than gold.
(15) SHE is more precious than rubies;
nothing you desire can compare with HER.
(16) Long life is in HER right hand;
in HER left are riches and honor.
(17) HER ways are pleasant ways,
and all HER paths are peace.
18) SHE is a tree of life to those who
embrace HER;
those who lay hold of HER will be blessed.

What struck me about these versus is that Salomon intentionally switches from the generic reader (people) to a male reader. Knowledge and understand are being taught in this book and God is referring to understanding and knowledge in the feminine.
For me, this is the way of saying, men need to be in touch with their, wait for it....feminine side. Its about being a more lovable and a loving guy. Its about being sensitive to pain and the needs of others. Its about actually showing your true emotions and letting the tears fall because you hurt. Its about being the guy that gives the wife a day off from the house work and cleans the house. I believe that God, in these versus was, was telling men how to be complete. Yes men can and should grenade up and take that hill. And they can and should, clean up the puke of a child and cry with them. Its called being complete, that is a "mans man".

Being Complete part II

I have had several conversations with friends regarding how I don't like the holiday and Christmas seasons. I mean really, I can't wait for the holidays to be over. I just get in a state of being numb and stay there for about three months. In fact I will get into this state without even knowing it until I do some inter reflection on whats going on and then realize "oh yeah it's the holidays". I know an awful lot of how I feel is because I am in a business that serves people, a lot of people daily. And these people can be the so rude, impatient and or so obnoxiously arrogant that I just want to choke them. So much of the time, people serving and working their ass off get absolutely no respect (OK that's off my chest). I also know this is a hard time because of a devastating family situation that took place during the holidays some years ago. The loss can be so fresh and so real to this day. But I have also discovered a third piece to this puzzle and that is the loss of joy. I really have no joy in my life and then to add the holidays on top of it...well its over load and I go numb. I am not saying this to feel sorry for myself (or you to feel sorry for me), I am saying this as a reflection to what is the truth in my life. I do not know why I am writing this....but for some reason I am and I still keep exposing my heart.

So....what do I mean I have no joy. Its just that, no joy. No belly busting laughter, no light hearted conversation, no looking at beauty and getting lost in its tranquil pull and having peace. No looking at a day and saying "WOW how cool is this, another great day".

Where are you joy?

I believe the answer lies in a long ago relationship. A relationship that gave me nothing and left me to discover everything by myself. I believe the answers lies in the final "completeness" of this relationship. This is my 900 pound Gorilla.

Will I have joy again?

I am hoping its there inside me some where and all of the dirt and garbage I have bulldozed on it will be some day be removed and joy will return from the darkness.


During the past 6 months or so I have had some sense that completeness was important to me. But now I believe its paramount. I believe that completeness is my key for what He has in store for me. My doubt is, will I be able to finish this?

The truth of the matter, if I look into the deep inter sanctum of my heart, is I really want to enjoy the holidays. I want to enjoy all the beauty and the gatherings of friends and family, and the lights and the true spirit of the holidays (not so much the gift giving). Why? Because I want to see and feel the closeness of people. I want the stress of life to melt away to the calm of peace. I want to be able to say and hear Happy Holidays or better yet Merry Christmas and know that it is honestly meant.

Being Complete Part I

In September, a group of my friends went to Kenya to serve their internship there and to live an adventure. With them being gone, I set out to use this time for some learning of my own. I wanted and expected to dig deeper into scripture and I was determined to develop better prayer and study habits. I wanted the fruit of this dedicated learning/study period to be about growing closer to God and maybe to learn more about myself. I wanted to be in a place where I felt this overwhelming intimate relationship with Him. Well, things didn't really go as I expected (what a shock ha). There were several times during this 3 month period that as hard as I was trying to "get things done" I felt I wasn't getting anywhere. So many times I have heard some of my friends say "just get into the Word". Ah, OK I would think, sounds great, but the reality is I don't know how to do that. I don't know what it means to "get into the Word". I mean, there are times it reads as noise to me. So my studies didn't take place as expected and my frustrations continued. After the three month mark I was frustrated because I felt I had not done anything that bore any fruit and I had failed a commitment to myself and this relationship with Him would continue to stall.

Also, during this 3 month period of time I was I was invited to participate with a group of men and be involved in a discussion of a book. Though I didn't really think this book applied to me that much, I trusted the advice of a friend and joined in. Being the skeptic, the first third of the book I was thinking, "this is good, but I don't know what this all means to me". But then the book started to get my attention and I even participated in the exercises. Further along the contents of the book were more difficult to read and the exercises were becoming harder to do, what was being discussed and read was really hitting home.

Well I have since found out this book applies to me in a big way. What I thought was a failing on my part , my plan on learning, was actually something that was not important to Him at this point in my life. It became abundantly clear to me (at a stop light, going to work) what was important to Him was the work I was doing in this mens group and more importantly what this book was bringing to the surface in my struggles. The struggles are relational, and they are extremely difficult for me. We are now at the hardest part of the book and the exercise that is required is very difficult. It is difficult for two reasons First, I have to confront an old relationship and I have to "stay in the saddle" and do it. I can't run any more, I can't hide any more and I can't build any more walls. If I really want this wonderful, intimate relationship with God, then there are things I need to do. One of which is I must go through things that He puts in front of me. Several times I have said I wasn't going to finish the assignment, but I keep gravitating back to it. I will do the assignment because I am convinced it is what He asks of me.

So "what does this have to do with SARAH and making a difference to the widows and children of Africa you ask". More than I thought. My dreams and thoughts of Africa are well documented in my other entries of this blog. And it is very clear to me that I will have some type of influence there. But what God has also made very clear, is that I must be in a state of being complete. If He is to pour into me all that he has planned (Africa?) for me, then I must be in place to receive all he has to offer. But what does that mean to be in a state of being complete? For me it means to visit some painful relational stuff, deal with it and move on to what ever He puts in place next.

So As I mentioned to a friend the other day, I really thought I would be doing a lot of hard work on Scripture but all along I was working my ass off on what I needed, not what I wanted.

P.S. I have intentionally left out the name of the book as I have not asked permission from the other guys to reveal the title of the book in a public forum.
If any of you would like to know the title of the book, email me at runfischer@yahoo.com.

P.S.S. It has taken me 2 weeks to write this blog and it still is not finished. Since I started this entry more "stuff" has taken place...so I will write part two soon.